What to expect at the bar and more importantly,
what is expected from you.
Singing and Rugby goes hand in hand, kinda like chocolate and mousse, carrot and cake, penis and vagina – you get the point. You can be in Cardiff Wales, or Rotorua New Zealand, hell even in your own backyard in Fayetteville Arkansas and there will be a song sung after a rugby game. It is a way to bring two teams together to celebrate a great day spent together appeasing the rugby gods. Most of the singing gets done in the 3rd half (that is after the game for you non believers), and sometimes after a practice when the right amount of beer and whiskey is consumed. Singing can be broken up into 3 categories: etiquette, rules, and songs.
IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED, BELIEVE THAT JESUS NEVER PLAYED RUGBY, OR THAT YOGI BEAR IS JUST A BEAR THEN YOU MIGHT AS WELL QUIT READING AND HAVE A GREAT FUCKING DAY.
For the most part, after a game the home team will start the singing. You will usually notice the boys congregating in a circle, hear some loud yelling, maybe a me-me-me-me-me clearing of the throat or a drunk South African yelling “TODAY IS MONDAY”. When you hear or see this it is your queue to start paying attention before it is too late. Every song is lead by a song leader (or as I like to think, someone who has been attending rugby parties for waaaaay too long). You will then respond by pointing to the song leader with your elbow (see rules)
- Never point with your hand, use your elbow – it is rude to use fingers to point
- If you are brave enough to sing a verse of a song, put your beer on top of your head and wait for the boys to directly aim at you with their elbows (it is rude to point – see above)
- Always drink with your left hand. No one likes shaking hands when they are cold, it might lead people to think your pissed your hands or didn’t dry them off.
- Once someone starts singing keep quiet and wait your turn (see beer on head).
- If you mess up a verse, sing the wrong verse, talk while others are singing or act like a giant asshole you will hear silence by all singers, followed by all singers shouting “SHOOT THE BOOT“. This gem of a tradition comes from the English colonial times where knights had to drink out of their steel boots for falling off their horses. Once you mess up, you will be given a rugby boot, usually a fat props, it will be filled with beer and you will be required to drink the tasty drink without spilling too much. All while the crowd sings:
Why were you born so beautiful
Why were you born at all
You’re no fucking use to anyone
You’re no fucking use at all
You should be publicly pissed on,
You should be publicly shot (bang, bang),
You should be tied to a urinal,
And left there to fester and rot.
So, DRINK MOTHERFUCKER, DRINK MOTHERFUCKER, DRINK MOTHERFUCKER, DRINK, DRINK… (chant lasts until he finishes)
When it comes to the songs there are two different kinds:
- One would be the kinda song you would sing in a locker room, a celebration of sorts, something to get the beer flowing and bring a smile to peoples faces.
- The one you wish you never sung, the kind that calls up zombies from the ground, a song that gives society a giant fuck you and you smile while you do it.
You have the cutest songs like Swing Low Sweet Chariots, Dough — A thing I buy with Beer, and then you have, Jesus can’t play rugby, I met a whore in a park, The sexual life of a camel, The 7 Days of Rugby, The 12 Days of Rugby and the list goes on.
To see more songs and their lyrics check out this link
Hope to see everyone at the bar, enjoy the rugga, enjoy the singing and watch out for the boot.
Rugby Songs Explained by Frans Schimper
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